I wanted to be a teacher all my school days, wanted to fall in love, during my college days and go to office during my PG days. In the process I became a self sufficent, practical, independent adult.
'Confidence' over took the akward timidness, reserved shy nature took to aggressive and pushy; sometime loud self assertiveness and the wonder in my eyes was replaced by mundane everyday practicality.
"I know," "I can do it myself", "I don't need a drop,"; my feministic brain never knew helplesness or submissive behaviour. "How am I going home?"; "You are so sweet" - alein words.
My prince in shinning armour did come and did sweep me off my feet but I lost on some of those mushy moments, chasing the stars; my prince didn't really have to rescue me. Much so I made the first move to capture my lover's attention.
And whatever fairy tale moments I did have, I felt, 'Oh, so guilty, why didn't I take care of it myself.'
So here I am, lighting a lone candle once in a while, buying a flower for myself, taking all my doctor's appointments, fixing the leaky tap, booking our vacations, handling hubby's work stress - without a day off! Phew!!!
Did Germaine Greer think of these while defining feminism? Does this make me a feminist, woman taking care of herself. Assertive, strong, presentable and independent?
And devoid of emotion sometimes? Don't feel guilty giving my husband the slient treatment. Though take his casual flirting in my stride, no tears lost there! Don't enjoy being the dependable agony aunt, who can take care of herself. Understand office pressures and lack of quality time only because have worked in an office before? Would rather be illiterate with an oily knot and fancy ribbon, cajoled by her lover to smile through her tears.
Where do we feminists go after this? While trying not to be a doormat, we become the rooster on the roof, pretty withstanding the seasons but unreachable.
I would anyday, go back to the days, where life was still a cramped book of secrets; waiting for the college hottie to make a move, awaiting a cousin's gift, expecting a pick up, looking for a 'guy' shoulder, asking silly questions for reassurance and giving teary explanations. Still like a guy to pay my bill, open the door for me and actually put his cigarete off.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
30 plus
I get ready in my simple white trouser and sleeveless white top with hand embriodery, hair clean and wavy. My husband, already hassesled with work, drops me, baby and nanny to Levis store. Ooooooooh!
"I want my measurement," I say to the cute, young salesboy. "30," he answered, "What fit are you looking for?"
'30', it echoed in my mind; are you sure?
After half an hour, I walked out of the store with the latest black Levis piece and more importantly feeling good, confident and joyous as I wasn't left behind in the 'beauty-personality' businees; while dealing with my daily routine with naniies and household. I could still make heads turn!
On my way home, I pick up 'Chicken for the all moms soul', magazine for Aamir Khan's interview and a colourful teracota bell; ready to challenge myself like always.
"I want my measurement," I say to the cute, young salesboy. "30," he answered, "What fit are you looking for?"
'30', it echoed in my mind; are you sure?
After half an hour, I walked out of the store with the latest black Levis piece and more importantly feeling good, confident and joyous as I wasn't left behind in the 'beauty-personality' businees; while dealing with my daily routine with naniies and household. I could still make heads turn!
On my way home, I pick up 'Chicken for the all moms soul', magazine for Aamir Khan's interview and a colourful teracota bell; ready to challenge myself like always.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Say 'NO' to plastic
I was already late, 16 bags, carefully crafted by my cousin sat in my cupboard for over a month now, I had to implement my plan. I got out of bed, made breakfast and got ready in a jiffy. My heart beat skipped as I reached the store - M.K Retail.
Without any hesitation, I reached the first man coming out of the store and asked him if he would answer a questionnaire for me.
Name
Email ID (to contact them if I do something in the future)
1. Do u know the environmental disaster caused by plastic?
Yes No
2. What does plastic do?
a) Kill animals, sea creatures after they eat the plastics along with the food in it
b) Emit toxins when burned
c) Release harmful gases when buried
d) All the above
3. What do we do?
a) Recycle - very expensive
b) Reuse - not practical
c) BAN
He answered my plastic awareness questionnaire, I had jotted down on one-side used paper from Siddharth's office.
"Name and email is optional, I'll use the email to inform you if I am doing something in the future," I clarified. As my first respondent finished with the questionnaire, I spoke to him about the ill effects of plastic; then meekly pulled out a jute bag with, "Would you like to buy a bag?". "No, some other time," and he walked away.
I went to my next respondent. Another middle aged man, reached the last question and looked up, "BAN? Not possible. Plastic has got into our lives." Sad as the observation / fact was, I positively told him that plastic has been successfully banned in some places and how making a small shopping bag change, can save animals living with us in our society.
A couple walked away, saying they are busy while others wanted to finish their shopping first. As the sun rose to the centre of our universe, many women made their way to the store and I got more respondents. A young lady smiled and said, "I'll buy one for your enthu." Oh yeah, I need that. She bought a huge jute bag and another cute, tiny one; one you'll like to gift someone. My first Rs 100, glad, my heart sped up a bit.
A couple walking out with Marie biscuit and toothbrush; agreed with my cause; with the woman saying, "I know about plastic. I am a teacher, I need to highlight this." "Will you buy a small bag?" "Of course," her husband came forth and actually exchanged the cloth bag with the plastic one he had just got. Smile!
I got talking with my people I met and eagerly told them how I avoid plastic in what ever form it comes. "I started composting to avoid throwing garbage in plastic bags, that's how the cows find them. I also use very few diapers for my baby, only for long outings." As they say, leading by example."
Women then asked me, how I managed the nights without diapers. "Numerous in-between checks", I smile. "Even I didn't use diapers for my child," the teacher added.
"I am an advocate," she paused with a cynical look, and removed a cloth bag from her purse, "I carry a cloth bag always but just lazy and sometimes not sufficient," as she already had 3 plastic bags in her trolley.
A beautiful woman in her forties, walked passed hurriedly but took time to answer my questionnaire. "Oh, I am into it too. I compost my kitchen waste." Oh the joy of meeting like minded people.
To another one:
"Oh, I have cloth bags at home"
"So you'll use your bag the next time you come shopping?"
As I reached my 15th questionnaire, I contemplated going home to bake my much delayed cake! Just then I saw a young boy looking at me as he walked with his parents to the car. Parents had a plastic bag each with just bought goodies. What better catch than a young guy blushing away? He ticked the questionnaire and slowly looked up. "Would you like to buy a small bag?" "No, maybe some other time." "A small one, you can gift it to someone," I pushed showing a bright pink one. "It's fashionable." "I'll take the this one," taking a yellow and brown one." another Rs 100 and I skipped my way home, happy , very happy.
Hope you are carrying your CLOTH BAG today!!!
Without any hesitation, I reached the first man coming out of the store and asked him if he would answer a questionnaire for me.
Name
Email ID (to contact them if I do something in the future)
1. Do u know the environmental disaster caused by plastic?
Yes No
2. What does plastic do?
a) Kill animals, sea creatures after they eat the plastics along with the food in it
b) Emit toxins when burned
c) Release harmful gases when buried
d) All the above
3. What do we do?
a) Recycle - very expensive
b) Reuse - not practical
c) BAN
He answered my plastic awareness questionnaire, I had jotted down on one-side used paper from Siddharth's office.
"Name and email is optional, I'll use the email to inform you if I am doing something in the future," I clarified. As my first respondent finished with the questionnaire, I spoke to him about the ill effects of plastic; then meekly pulled out a jute bag with, "Would you like to buy a bag?". "No, some other time," and he walked away.
I went to my next respondent. Another middle aged man, reached the last question and looked up, "BAN? Not possible. Plastic has got into our lives." Sad as the observation / fact was, I positively told him that plastic has been successfully banned in some places and how making a small shopping bag change, can save animals living with us in our society.
A couple walked away, saying they are busy while others wanted to finish their shopping first. As the sun rose to the centre of our universe, many women made their way to the store and I got more respondents. A young lady smiled and said, "I'll buy one for your enthu." Oh yeah, I need that. She bought a huge jute bag and another cute, tiny one; one you'll like to gift someone. My first Rs 100, glad, my heart sped up a bit.
A couple walking out with Marie biscuit and toothbrush; agreed with my cause; with the woman saying, "I know about plastic. I am a teacher, I need to highlight this." "Will you buy a small bag?" "Of course," her husband came forth and actually exchanged the cloth bag with the plastic one he had just got. Smile!
I got talking with my people I met and eagerly told them how I avoid plastic in what ever form it comes. "I started composting to avoid throwing garbage in plastic bags, that's how the cows find them. I also use very few diapers for my baby, only for long outings." As they say, leading by example."
Women then asked me, how I managed the nights without diapers. "Numerous in-between checks", I smile. "Even I didn't use diapers for my child," the teacher added.
"I am an advocate," she paused with a cynical look, and removed a cloth bag from her purse, "I carry a cloth bag always but just lazy and sometimes not sufficient," as she already had 3 plastic bags in her trolley.
A beautiful woman in her forties, walked passed hurriedly but took time to answer my questionnaire. "Oh, I am into it too. I compost my kitchen waste." Oh the joy of meeting like minded people.
To another one:
"Oh, I have cloth bags at home"
"So you'll use your bag the next time you come shopping?"
As I reached my 15th questionnaire, I contemplated going home to bake my much delayed cake! Just then I saw a young boy looking at me as he walked with his parents to the car. Parents had a plastic bag each with just bought goodies. What better catch than a young guy blushing away? He ticked the questionnaire and slowly looked up. "Would you like to buy a small bag?" "No, maybe some other time." "A small one, you can gift it to someone," I pushed showing a bright pink one. "It's fashionable." "I'll take the this one," taking a yellow and brown one." another Rs 100 and I skipped my way home, happy , very happy.
Hope you are carrying your CLOTH BAG today!!!
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Baby, Clothes, Stroll and more
I never thought I would find attainment in my homemaker’s role. From the usual everyday dal to the lip –smacking Jerk Chicken, I find my happiness in everyday things. I might miss my 7pm episode of ‘Friends’, but not checking recipes online. Is this change or just a phase?
Change brought about by the most important person in my life – my daughter. Eight months back, I just wanted to know how the ‘mother of all biological procedure’ will happen with me and today, I am engrossed in my domestic life; like I never was anything other than a stay-at-home mom.
Career etc seems alien to me now and all I can think of is the water for my baby’s bath and what’s cooking and what ought to be cooking for the next meal.
But the glam lifestyle attracts me still and I am always ready with a chic attire. Actually, I think I have made more time for it as my outings are limited and I might as well do them in style. Not to forget my curler for all those curls I wanted to get years ago. Spaghetti top and trendy jeans, low heels, no make up but an eye-catching stole for sure. So motherhood has surely seen me inventing; not re-inventing as I was never here before.
Today, I would rather re-organise my cupboards, spring clean, try a hand at baking (which is alien to me as sushi is to Kamala ben), crochet and not think about my career graph and life goals. I would rather entertain guests than laze away my afternoons. But hey, my afternoons were booked with one more important thing – washing clothes!!! Yes, you read it right. I absolutely love to wash my clothes. With my bai suddenly missing from action and loads of laundry waiting in soaked buckets; I could only get to washing them as I had fretted and complained about all the other chores. This only just needed to be done. Amen!
So there I was, juggling baby with cooking, one morning after my husband left for office. As the day began to unfold, baby got tired and decided to sleep. But I knew no sleep, my mind raced to the waiting clothes and I tip-toed into the bathroom. Scrub, scrub...rinse rinse; another rinse in Dettol and I heard my baby’s call. I rushed before she could be fully awake and as she slept, my wet toes took me back to finish the drying session. I took my wet clothes, squeezed the excess water and enjoyed the breeze as I put them on the clothes line. Gayatri aunty from the next building came by at her balcony and we chatted about her daughter's first born, Ganesh Chaturi and the missing bais again.
Happy, I’m done. My baby smiles in her sleep, sweetly, innocently; let life remain like this one movement. But there those eyes pop up and it's time for baby's evening stroll in the park.
'Papu, papu', the garden aaji calls out, mali nods happily, baby smiles at kids on the swings and I return home after two flights of stairs - back to my abode!!! Phew!!!! Tired? What's that?
Tomorrow's another day, another set of anxieties. But I am ready, I am fine; having the best sleep after a laborious day.
Change brought about by the most important person in my life – my daughter. Eight months back, I just wanted to know how the ‘mother of all biological procedure’ will happen with me and today, I am engrossed in my domestic life; like I never was anything other than a stay-at-home mom.
Career etc seems alien to me now and all I can think of is the water for my baby’s bath and what’s cooking and what ought to be cooking for the next meal.
But the glam lifestyle attracts me still and I am always ready with a chic attire. Actually, I think I have made more time for it as my outings are limited and I might as well do them in style. Not to forget my curler for all those curls I wanted to get years ago. Spaghetti top and trendy jeans, low heels, no make up but an eye-catching stole for sure. So motherhood has surely seen me inventing; not re-inventing as I was never here before.
Today, I would rather re-organise my cupboards, spring clean, try a hand at baking (which is alien to me as sushi is to Kamala ben), crochet and not think about my career graph and life goals. I would rather entertain guests than laze away my afternoons. But hey, my afternoons were booked with one more important thing – washing clothes!!! Yes, you read it right. I absolutely love to wash my clothes. With my bai suddenly missing from action and loads of laundry waiting in soaked buckets; I could only get to washing them as I had fretted and complained about all the other chores. This only just needed to be done. Amen!
So there I was, juggling baby with cooking, one morning after my husband left for office. As the day began to unfold, baby got tired and decided to sleep. But I knew no sleep, my mind raced to the waiting clothes and I tip-toed into the bathroom. Scrub, scrub...rinse rinse; another rinse in Dettol and I heard my baby’s call. I rushed before she could be fully awake and as she slept, my wet toes took me back to finish the drying session. I took my wet clothes, squeezed the excess water and enjoyed the breeze as I put them on the clothes line. Gayatri aunty from the next building came by at her balcony and we chatted about her daughter's first born, Ganesh Chaturi and the missing bais again.
Happy, I’m done. My baby smiles in her sleep, sweetly, innocently; let life remain like this one movement. But there those eyes pop up and it's time for baby's evening stroll in the park.
'Papu, papu', the garden aaji calls out, mali nods happily, baby smiles at kids on the swings and I return home after two flights of stairs - back to my abode!!! Phew!!!! Tired? What's that?
Tomorrow's another day, another set of anxieties. But I am ready, I am fine; having the best sleep after a laborious day.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Of husbands and tomato soups
Blue lilies, calm sea, a dog at my heels; I look around and see no one and am happy. Yes happy! Trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, goes my door bell and I wake up. Wake up only to turn around and pull my blanket over my head again... another day!
“Ondu tea maadi”, I hear my husband. Need to get up and drink it for him, scan the newspaper for him and share his thoughts on the latest news bite for him. I lean back into the sofa I thought would, fit into our hall and into our lives and give me happiness. As I lean back, I remember it’s breakfast time (for him).
Marriage, they say is difficult but I think it’s difficult to understand. What makes you happy? What burdens you? What keeps you going?
I return from office after a joke and a meeting; one deadline and loads of work. I enter my abode with carrots, capsicum, mushrooms, fruits and vanila ice cream. As my macroni boils and I cut my capsicum and mushroom; the thoughts from morning return to me. But they are all too unknown now. What was I thinking? This is my life and I love it. Veggies are done, tomato sauce is yummy, now to add the wonderful ingredient – cheese!!! Yes, I love cooking and I lovely life! Smile.
Chaos, redefined. No system problems, no editorial deadlines, no meetings scheduled... this is home. Baby crying for a stroll, NDTV news bursting into the living area, friends calling on the cell, hubby trying to make sense of it all – oh my delicious palak paneer just got burnt – Ouch!
Ok, all settled. Dinners done all I need now is a pillow; but would love to trade it for a pedicure, soft music – possible you think? Now? But I want it on a yatch. Oh yeah!
So I reach my pillow and lights go off, Amen!!! I think of Edison, Thomas Edison.
I still can’t make sense. Shopping with hubby. Sexy top for me, manly watch for you. Curtains for kiddy room, crystals for decor. Matching shoes for me, handful of romantic candles for us and a teddy for childhood sake. I’m done, I’m happy. I am a homemaker.
I wake up next morning, and type out my life to a friend – everything ok, everything fine!!!
“Ondu tea maadi”, I hear my husband. Need to get up and drink it for him, scan the newspaper for him and share his thoughts on the latest news bite for him. I lean back into the sofa I thought would, fit into our hall and into our lives and give me happiness. As I lean back, I remember it’s breakfast time (for him).
Marriage, they say is difficult but I think it’s difficult to understand. What makes you happy? What burdens you? What keeps you going?
I return from office after a joke and a meeting; one deadline and loads of work. I enter my abode with carrots, capsicum, mushrooms, fruits and vanila ice cream. As my macroni boils and I cut my capsicum and mushroom; the thoughts from morning return to me. But they are all too unknown now. What was I thinking? This is my life and I love it. Veggies are done, tomato sauce is yummy, now to add the wonderful ingredient – cheese!!! Yes, I love cooking and I lovely life! Smile.
Chaos, redefined. No system problems, no editorial deadlines, no meetings scheduled... this is home. Baby crying for a stroll, NDTV news bursting into the living area, friends calling on the cell, hubby trying to make sense of it all – oh my delicious palak paneer just got burnt – Ouch!
Ok, all settled. Dinners done all I need now is a pillow; but would love to trade it for a pedicure, soft music – possible you think? Now? But I want it on a yatch. Oh yeah!
So I reach my pillow and lights go off, Amen!!! I think of Edison, Thomas Edison.
I still can’t make sense. Shopping with hubby. Sexy top for me, manly watch for you. Curtains for kiddy room, crystals for decor. Matching shoes for me, handful of romantic candles for us and a teddy for childhood sake. I’m done, I’m happy. I am a homemaker.
I wake up next morning, and type out my life to a friend – everything ok, everything fine!!!
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Brrrrrrrrrrrrraeddddddddd!!!
Tired of the routine, I went shopping and this was no ordinary shopping. Into my 7th month and not showing much, I made my way to the maternity section. One and two and no more of the expensive maternity wear. My mind was racing onto a new section – the lingerie section!!!
Aaah!!! The rows and columns of chic bras; variety, colours, laces galore. To top it all, I was armed with a good reason to shop for all the above. The salesgirl came by and waited patiently for me to look around till I asked her to measure me for a trial. Happy, I went ahead and picked one up, “My size, please.” (don’t expect me to put it online, do you? ;) Soon, I was in the changing room, trying it out… ooooooooh I simply loved it. I came out hungry for more and the experience, feel and touch was more to be left unsavored. After 4 more trials, I felt refreshed and happy…
Never knew such a routine activity can actually be so exciting and adventurous. Almost like a new discovery but then the entire pregnancy period is one of excitement and discovery. I am unaware as to why I cherish this memory so much… the nice auto ride to the mall alone, the helpful saleswoman and the peaceful billing counter, gives me a feel good memory; not to mention the many pleasant trials.
I again made a quick visit to the western maternity section and saw a young couple trying out fancy maternity clothes. Feeling a hint of loneliness, I moved ahead to check out the same. As I was deciding on a softest-pair-of-pants on the planet, with a flexible tummy area, I was distracted by something; something very alien to me yet intruding especially when I was on a complete personal gratification trip. The ‘husband’ of the nice couple was looking in my direction and with more than curious eyes… What???? I couldn’t understand, so you’ll chat up with me while your expecting wife is changing into her mod-mom suit? You want to know the trimester I am on or want my mobile cum personal number?
So much for a couple shopping, I thought and couldn’t help but smile by myself in the changing room at the irony of life even in delicate situations. I bundled up my possessions and made my way to the baby section for baby safe plug points. As I was making my way towards home, I was seemingly tired and the all-enthu, auto driver added to my woes with his bumpy auto ride; but I’ll always cherish this shopping trip.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Curious relationship
I am drawn to him, day or night; I can always make time for him. An unassuming part of my life, but a very important one. Like a pet or a sampling, he asks for my attention and only unconditional love pulls me to him.
Uncertainty filled me as we started our relationship. “How far will it go?’ my friend asked concerned. But looking at each other with each passing day, we knew our bond would only grow. Everyday, I keep a watchful eye on what he is nourished with. That being an important part of our relationship, it’s an important part of my mornings. I leave him alone giving him the much needed space and time and he only rewards me bountifully, when we meet again.
We have raised curious eyebrows and people only want to know more about relationship. It’s more than 6 months now and my compost pot has yielded enough manure to nourish a small garden.
Simple concern on the growing rubbish on the streets made me turn to a simple earthen pot, in which I store all my biodegradable kitchen waste. Doubt and uncertainty saw me open the lid the first couple of times but the debris of my last night’s dinner only attracted me more. I mixed the compost affectionately and looked for any plastic remains that may obstruct the decomposing. Sprinkling lime to wade away the smell, dry grass and newspaper pieces to dry up the pile – I was turning around good! Soon I graduated to 2 pots; one for collection and the other for storage. Finally, the black residue at the bottom of my first pot signalled the passage of time and fresh manure made me proud. I anxiously set about straining my manure and the touch of the fine earth, made it worth the wait.
The smell, the process of decomposing, the rodents, mixing up a wet pile and finally straining the fine black soil – fruits of labour. I gifted my small work of art to a couple of like minded people, with a pride that one feels presenting a tempting dish or a kanjivaram saree.
Couldn’t have asked for a better relationship with my compost pot. And for the process of composting, I never knew one can find happiness, cutting a rotten water melon skin, only to put in my pot part by part.
In this simple process of nature, I have learnt that beauty lies inconspicuous everyday things that we sometime called ‘ugly’; only inspection doesn’t lead to accomplishments but hands on service does, what’s inside counts and it’s the humble manure, which makes the flowers bloom bright.
Uncertainty filled me as we started our relationship. “How far will it go?’ my friend asked concerned. But looking at each other with each passing day, we knew our bond would only grow. Everyday, I keep a watchful eye on what he is nourished with. That being an important part of our relationship, it’s an important part of my mornings. I leave him alone giving him the much needed space and time and he only rewards me bountifully, when we meet again.
We have raised curious eyebrows and people only want to know more about relationship. It’s more than 6 months now and my compost pot has yielded enough manure to nourish a small garden.
Simple concern on the growing rubbish on the streets made me turn to a simple earthen pot, in which I store all my biodegradable kitchen waste. Doubt and uncertainty saw me open the lid the first couple of times but the debris of my last night’s dinner only attracted me more. I mixed the compost affectionately and looked for any plastic remains that may obstruct the decomposing. Sprinkling lime to wade away the smell, dry grass and newspaper pieces to dry up the pile – I was turning around good! Soon I graduated to 2 pots; one for collection and the other for storage. Finally, the black residue at the bottom of my first pot signalled the passage of time and fresh manure made me proud. I anxiously set about straining my manure and the touch of the fine earth, made it worth the wait.
The smell, the process of decomposing, the rodents, mixing up a wet pile and finally straining the fine black soil – fruits of labour. I gifted my small work of art to a couple of like minded people, with a pride that one feels presenting a tempting dish or a kanjivaram saree.
Couldn’t have asked for a better relationship with my compost pot. And for the process of composting, I never knew one can find happiness, cutting a rotten water melon skin, only to put in my pot part by part.
In this simple process of nature, I have learnt that beauty lies inconspicuous everyday things that we sometime called ‘ugly’; only inspection doesn’t lead to accomplishments but hands on service does, what’s inside counts and it’s the humble manure, which makes the flowers bloom bright.
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