Being an underdog

Its difficult being an underdog, an underdog when you know you could shine. Shine like the rest of the world, in a world of fake laughs and air kisses; in days of false companionships and selfish affirmations. But all of us at some point want to belong to this world, belong and grow; believing somewhere we are different from the rest of the world frowning upon them for their hypocrisy and cowardly lives.

I therefore, proclaim I'm an underdog, shy - don't scream my achievements from the roof tops, naive - don't criticise other people's success, subservient - don't brag about my life.

My energies are rather saved for a non-publicized, effective work day with warm greetings and harmless jokes, a thought to the rising carbon and time for most cherished hobbies. I remember my college days; youth brimming with ambitions and 'change the world' plans. Carefree penniless days spent lazing around, messy bachelor's den; am I forgetting something – heated classroom debates, taking a stand, sole war against child labour in the neighbourhood tea stall, say no to plastic??? Where do all these idealisms go? Out into the harsh world? Harsh world that makes one compromise for a flat and a car? To fit in into another round hole? Prove it they said, prove yourself in the job before you look elsewhere, ok, done; don't feel anything. Is this why one has to brag as a reconfirmation of the success in one's own life?

Fulfillment. What is fulfillment? Sunday after days of productive office work? Expensive jewellery with a chauffeured car? Travel is a window to the world, it's said; does travelling leisurely make it worthwhile or would you rather stick to the economical bus? Is it a US citizenship and a loaded bank account?

Where do the simpler things of life fade away? "Your smile springs me to life", "I did it for you." Why can't it stay and fill you up so you look no further? Why does the burning desire of 'kuch karna hai' fade away to 'retirement ke liye bachchana hai.'

Somewhere between all this thought to life and its confusion, I think I found an answer. To each his own. We may meet in various social set ups but each has a life of his own and battles to fight. If life is a puzzle, it expects you to solve it in your own unique way for only there lies the key and not by copying another's code. I started out wanting a career and live by my feministic views... Career and feminism literally shadowed my future dreams. Dreams, which are much more important than the ever-sought after money and fame. A supporting and caring life partner, who gives me the space to grow. Puts up with my home composting and anti-plastic war. Cares enough to cook rice and tolerant enough to take my punches and oft-repeated jokes.

I was so engrossed in comparing my life that I failed to see that this is the very life I was aspiring to live. Time away from work, interacting with artisans and ngos, my bit to the environment and a boyfriend in my husband. I think I have reached maturity.